Un-learn, and re-learn

Tioman Island

Went to get my open water diver license during my leave. Something I wanted to get since I started work. Yes. It’s that long back…finally materialising
Open water diver license consists of 2 confined water dives (1 on shore for me tho), and 4 open water dives.

The Rengis Island, where our open dives were held in.

Am not gonna go through the details, besides by the end of the day, I have no idea how and when, but I have 13 bruises on my arms and legs, and 3 scratches on my knee..I look like I was abused or went for some harsh military training really.
Although I do reckon it’s helluva lot of hardwork; Carrying the scuba cylinders + weights + all other equipments around. I felt like I was gonna drop dead after swimming out to the boat, from shore. Yes, that’s before I even dive.

The beach, and the chalet that visitors stay in.

It is, nonetheless, an experience worth all the hardships, and injuries..for not only did I learn about diving, and opened up a whole new world in front of my eyes, I learned a fair bit about other matters too.
For it doesn’t matter what works for me here, it worked against me when I’m 30 feet underground/ underwater.
It doesn’t matter how intelligent one is, one needs to re-learn the very basic of things there.
It’s like..everyone that goes underwater is given an opportunity to start over, like it or not.

One needs to un-learn everything they have learned and worked for them before this, and re-learn a new set of skills that contradicts the way of life before this…at least for me.

Sunset from the beach

I believe in efficiency.
A friend once told me I shouldn’t have issue diving since I like to laze around. And being underwater is just like that- Slow and steady.
Except in my world, I believe in working in the most efficient manner so that I have more time to laze around.
A colleague of mine told me that I work too fast, that I even walked and talked too fast.
But it works. Wonders.
Once underwater, the more efficient I try to be, the more inefficient I became.
As I try to move faster, all I get was the feeling of lack of air, hence panic, and a nice few gulps of seawater to wake me up.

I believe that we should climb up.
For it is a whole lot easier to fall back down to ground than to stay up.
Underwater, I struggle to stay down.

I believe in being a skeptic.
It’s part of my job, and hence, part of me.
Underwater, I either learn to trust my regulator and scuba cylinders to provide me with air, or I drown.
Underwater, I either trust my buddy to help me out and help me up, or I risk getting more injuries than I already have. (Especially when I lose my mask)
*Offnote: I swear that I’ll poke them in the eye, whoever they are, if they accidently/ intentionally takes off my mask from now on.. it’s a PAINNNN*

Another picture of the sunset…with Rengis Island at the back

I’ve learned that the very things (breathing) we take for granted under normal circumstances could get very strenuous, and I struggled.
I’ve learned that while I usually have little difficulties with my directions, and rarely do I end up in situations whereby I’m totally lost, I couldn’t say the same while I was underwater. I was totally lost when all I did was swam 5metres away and then back. Even then, I have no one I could ask. Even if there were other people, I couldn’t ask as I was too busy breathing. It was ridiculous.
I’ve learned that the phrase “Easier said than done”..literally. For though the words “Stay calm, move slowly” sounded simple enough, they really weren’t so easy to do.
I learned it the hard way, by taking in gulps of seawater, and nearly choking myself before I came to my senses that if I don’t calm down, I’ll just take in more seawater, until I drown, or pass out.

End of one thing (the river), beginning of another (the ocean)

It took me a while to un-learn all that I’ve learned my entire life, and re-learn them one by one..
And I especially didn’t fancy the fact that I didn’t feel very much in control.
But despite that, despite all that , I enjoyed the experience.

Finally certified! Taken with my instructor, Jai.

Conclusion: With the benefit of hindsight, I’ve learned that if only we let go of our perspective on what’s right, the flip side may be equally as right too. As a noob (novice) underwater, I’m learning. As a person, we are all learning. Learning new skills, knowledge, as well as learning to let go of what’s generally accepted to be right. To think outside the box.

It isn’t just about the end

I remember telling someone “It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it works out in the end..The end justifies its means. No one will ask about the process..”

And so, what earthly business do I have with “it isn’t just about the end”?

I believe in equilibrium. In fair trade. And more importantly, I believe in trade off.
I believe in giving up certain things in return for other things..and so I have. That’s a trade off I understood and accepted.
A trade off I took because I want to be rich.

And because I’m also lazy (Or planning to be), my goal was obviously, to marry a rich man.
It is, afterall, the fastest and easiest way to get rich.
But as much as it is about the goal, I am, not living in a world of my own.
As much as I like to think that the goal is all that matters, it isn’t.
As much as it is only about the goal, it isn’t. It is also about the probability, feasibility, and likelihood.

For those who even bothered asking me, I’ve been telling them that my goal is to marry rich.
Goal: Marry a rich man
Probability: 50% (Either I get to find one, or I don’t)
Feasibility: Assuming I landed myself one, what are my chances in making it lasts? More importantly, what are my chances with the market if I don’t…10 years down the road?
Back at square 1, with obsolete skills. What are my chances?
Likelihood: Taking into account of the probability and feasibility, what is the likelihood of me marrying a rich man? I would say not very likely.

And as such, I am still slaving my life away, in my attempt to make my life, and the lives of the people around me, better.

Goal: Get out of this mess, and get back to where I belong (or so I believed I belonged)
Probability: Highly probable when times were better, highly unlikely when things took a turn for the worse
Feasibility: As I grow everyday, every year, it slowly dawn on me that this is becoming less feasible. Not only because I’m getting used to the life here, I have to also take into consideration of other things – My family, my career, my future. Can I hold off my future indefinitely waiting for something so uncertain? When it finally comes (on that one fine day god knows when), am I willing to let everything go to take that gamble?
Likelihood: As a matter of fact, I have more questions than I have answers. I am, keeping my options open, but I am no longer going for it blindly. Perhaps I have changed. Perhaps circumstances have changed. Perhaps, everything has changed.

If the end is all that matters, I would, by now, married the richest friend I know, and con him to make that move with me.
If only it is that simple. If only life is that straightforward.
But life is full of choices. And in making those choices, we evaluate not only the direct result, but also the indirect outcome it has on us, and the people around us.

Some choices we made, we made them for us and us only.
Some choices, we made, we made them believing it’s the greatest good for the greatest number of people.
While other choices, we made them because we are too afraid to take the gamble. Because we have too much to lose.
Yet, some choices we made, we made them because we know that’s what’s best for us, even if it didn’t feel like it now, even if it’s one helluva difficult call to make.

No. We are not resigning to our fate to determine our life. I still very much believe my fate lies in my own hands.
But we are leaving our options open. Not closing all doors while waiting for the window to open.
In the end, one needs to be realistic about one’s options. We need to see the bigger picture.

Conclusion: I believe in consequentialism. And I believe in opportunity cost, and that when you gain something, you need to lose something in return to restore that equilibrium.
Yet, I cannot make a decision based solely on the end, without taking consideration of my action.
Yet, I felt I have given more than I have gotten in the past few years.
Ultimately, does the end truly justify its means?

When the going gets tough

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going..but does it really?

I had a rough week…
what exactly was so bad about it, I can’t tell…small things accumulated really..
Been waking up early the whole week for courses (Be there on time, or be fined)
The courses were also relatively heavy (compared to the ones we, the batchies attended before)..
What’s worse, it didn’t end there. There were, of course, work and some last minute surprises which catch you off-guard.
Sometimes, it seems like there’s so much pressure on me to get the things done…But as I sat back now, I wonder if the pressure truly came from external sources, or perhaps, it’s just me?
My conclusion: I’m putting more pressure on myself than anyone has placed on me…at times like these, I seriously think perseverance is working against me..
At times like these, I do not know what I’m fighting for, yet I refuse to give up just for the sake of not giving up..

Also, from the course, I have successfully gotten myself infected with sore throat and cough from my team mate whom wasn’t feeling well during the course..
*Sigh*
Then again, I can only blame my bad antibodies.. (T.T)

By Friday, I was exhausted, both mentally and physically…and all I wanted was to take a break, catch a movie with a friend or two, and just de-stress.
So after course (and a lil work), I went dinner with a friend at Tropicana City. Think the place was called Room 18..they serve pretty decent Chinese food…
Then again, there really weren’t that many restaurants in Tropicana City to start with…so our options were really limited.
Went there because we were planning to catch a movie there – The Proposal.
Already bought the tics online the day before, and managed to get some really good, nice seats…
So, after dinner, we headed for the cinema to collect my tics..only to be told they have expired!
After telling the girl/woman at the counter that it can’t have EXPIRED because I have already PAID FOR THEM a couple of times, the confused lady went to the back office to seek help. It turns out, there were some technical glitch with our very beloved GSC computer system, which means we couldn’t get the tics with our confirmation number. *Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue*
They actually asked us to pay again to get the tickets, and fill up some forms to get a refund via e-payment at a later date.. *Chill chilll…it’s all gonna be alright*
And it didn’t end there. I was also told that because they fucked up, the seats that I have PAID FOR has been sold off!
That was the last straw..
I reckon I’m generally an easy customer to deal with, and my dad has told me numerous times that I’ll get bullied by ppl out there..and sadly, I do agree that I’m generally very accommodating.
But a week with lack of sleep, and work related issues, I really do not need another shit to deal with. I literally lost my cool.
I don’t think I’ve ever scolded a stranger like that before, but as much as I pity the fella that’s on duty, I really do not need/want to bear the consequences because their computer system is screwed. That’s really not my effing issue!
All I wanted was an evening where I can just relax, and I get this?!
FUCK YOUR TECHNICAL GLITCH, GSC! That’s your fucking internal problem that should NOT have caused me any inconvenience.
In the end, the damage was done. They’ve sold my tickets. They compromised by saying that we do not need to re-pay for the tickets (they can DREAM ON ABOUT ME PAYING THEM TWICE FOR A MOVIE), and we compromised with not so nice seats…
Lucky thing the movie was very entertaining, and that made me a lot less angry by the end of it.
But I’m utterly disappointed nonetheless, for we customers do NOT expect this kinda bullshit from Golden Screen Cinemas, one of the more reputable cinema operators in Malaysia.
I’m still planning to file an official complaint by the way.

I wonder what have gotten into me. I’m just so angry these days, that I find it hard to keep my head cool.
At the end of it, I pity my dear friend that went to the movie with me. I don’t think any of my friends have seen me so angry and vulgar before.
*Sigh*

Conclusion: Hopefully, the coming week would be better one, for I really had a bad week. Period.

Be cruel to be kind

Which is more cruel: To stay on and suffer, or walk out gracefully while you still can?

I was having a conversation with a friend when he suddenly asked:

What would you do if you found out your colleague isn’t coping with his/her job, stressed and was on the verge of breaking down?
Me: Ask him/her to resign.
Him: (o.O) Got a more politically/ morally correct answer?
Me: Oh…help him..talk to him/her, coach him/her more, monitor him/her closely, offering him/her a hand when needed…etc
Him: Yeah..that’s more like it..

Morally right, no doubt…we should all be kind to those that aren’t coping..etc..but in reality, we are all fully aware that that, although correct, may not be the most practical or feasible solution.

He thought that I wasn’t very nice, but perhaps, the corporate world has always been a dog-eat-dog world, and even more so in view of the global economic downturn.
It has always been a case of survival of the fittest, of evolution..
How often were we being confronted by circumstances whereby it’s either you perform, or be shown the exit door?

As much as we would like to think things are all rosy and good, it is often not the case. Afterall, life itself is full of ups and downs..but is it because one does not know how to deal with the particular person, we show him/her the door? Or perhaps maybe one believes in utilitarianism: The greatest good for the greatest number of people? Afterall, if the under-performing colleague is gone, we may not need to take care of tasks which he/she has not been able to complete due to his/her incompetency.
Perhaps. Or perhaps we just need to understand as bad, as cruel as it sounds, it may actually be the best and kindest thing to do.
That by asking the person to walk away, it is not the end of the world. Rather, it is to give the person an opportunity to start over, to start afresh.
For although the person isn’t doing well here, he/she may do well elsewhere, or in another field. As it is, and always will be, a matter of to whom one’s being compared to.

Perseverance.
“Persist and persevere, and you will find most things that are attainable, possible”. -Lord Chesterfield-
I’m one that believes in that. But I also believe that this may not be applicable in certain circumstances, and it is no one-size-fits-all thing.
And this is one situation where perseverance may do more damage than good.

People think that it’s holding on that makes people strong. Sometimes, it’s letting go.
Life is a long journey, with peaks and troughs, with roadblocks every now and then. And some gets it harder than the rest. But why want to continue on a route that you know will do you more harm than good, when we are fully aware that that’s not the only way, and there’s always alternatives.

Conclusion: Walking out of the door is an alternative, not a dead end.
And it may be the best alternative, as cruel as it may sound.

All things together

I know I’ve been rather quiet lately…
For although it seems like much is happening, none warrants or was great enough to make a post..
That…and I’ve been having a bad month, in general..

For starters, as posted in the post Recipe for a short life, things have since been getting better…no more drilling..and now, the washroom attached to my room has been completed, and I have a washroom door again:

which is good with me, for then I can now clean my room for once and for all, rather than having to clean it everydayyy.

And finally, I don’t need to go hunting for a bathroom that is available for me to bathe in.. (They started drilling the master bedroom’s bathroom before the other 2 was completed, and well…it has been a torture – The noise, the lack of a proper bathroom)

And now…it is FINALLY done! *Sigh with relief*

Well…at least the end product is decent, and I didn’t go through the pain for nothing (Or so I think)..

Then, one day, when I came back from work, I was pleasantly surprised to be greeted by this:

Mom and dad sent them for grooming..
and dad thought they looked soooo pretty that we should take a pic of them…
Lucky I did it on the same day…for Bailey’s ribbons didn’t stay too long:

Notice that Bailey’s ribbon went missing? Well…she kept scratching that it went to the back…

And Lucky looks less like a lion after being groomed..pretty neat I reckon..
Being a lazy bum as Lucky is, with all she ever does, wholeheartedly and passionately, is sleep, it is only natural that a week down, her ribbons are still very much intact, and Baileys? Gone with the wind..One of Bailey’s ribbon was gone by the 3rd day…so mom took out the other one too..so she doesn’t look too odd..

Mom seemed to be really pleased too..for they were allowed in the house even when dad wasn’t around since.. =)

And…I finally got my iPhone yesterday! *Woots*

I was very tempted to get the iPhone 3G before this, but finally decided that I shall wait for the 3Gs to be launched here..
Maxis launched the iPhone 3Gs on Friday (31 July)…and like an eager kid, I pre-booked my iPhone, and collected it on Saturday morning…

And now..a proud owner of iPhone 3GS:

I guess that’s how I compensate myself after having a relatively bad month.

Conclusion: Totally random, but that truly shows how money can buy happiness. For all that was mentioned above was only achieved with money, and I guess it’s fair to say I’m happy with the outcome..