The extended family dinner

Tonight, I went for my aunt’s 81st birthday dinner.
I’m never quite a fan of extended family dinners, mainly because I could hardly associate to anyone there, perhaps.
The only reason I attend dinners like these is because I feel obliged to. For, no matter what, we are still a family.

I was born an auntie. That said, it meant that my cousins are a fair bit older than I am. Heck, even my nephews are older than me.
And of course, when it comes to all dinners like these, I meet some relatives that I didn’t know even existed.
You get situations like this:
Me: Ma, who’s that girl there?
Mom: Oh, that’s aunt’s husband’s brother’s son’s son’s wife….
Me: oh…umm….okay…. (Whoever that is)

Tonight’s dinner was no exception.
I was seated with some people that to this moment, I do not know how am I associated with them…as usual.

That was, until, I began to notice the smaller details.
All my cousins, nephews and nieces were there…including a few who are now residing overseas.
And when the dishes were served…
The first dish was the cold dish…common…except it was a cold dish that I’ve never seen in any Chinese dinner I’ve attended in my life.
The food (Baby octopus, scallops, abalone, vegetables) were all in a huge jelly..I thought it was rather odd..
Until mom told me that it was a very popular cold dish during the older days….
All the other dishes that were subsequently served was considerably authentic as well…

Finally, the birthday cake was pushed out, and the Happy Birthday song began playing.
It was then that I noticed most of my cousins were tearing.
At the end of the dinner, a cousin of mine began dancing, in front of her mom, my aunt.
Tonight, was the first time I saw her dance.
Tonight, I found out that my aunt’s actual birth date isn’t until a few months later.

The reason why they celebrated my aunt’s birthday a few months early was so that she could meet her friends, and be happy.
The reason my cousin danced, in front of the crowd, was so that the mom could be entertained, and be happy.
The reason they teared, was because tonight’s birthday dinner could possibly be my aunt’s last, as the doctor has advised them that my aunt’s time is running out.

It was then that I realised, I may not know most people there, because I need not know.
It was then that I realised, perhaps only few guest knows all other guests, because they too, need not know.
What we should know, is that the dinner was not about how many other people the guests know.
It was then that I realised, that the dinner tonight was, for once, all about the person being celebrated.

Tonight, the dinner took a different meaning.
Tonight, I too, shed a tear.

Conclusion: What would you do, if you are to know that your loved one is running out of time? Perhaps, I would have done the same thing…perhaps..

Searching for my lostself

I remember writing a while back about Forgetful bliss
Over time, we forget. Of things that matter, of things that don’t.

Sometimes, we forget, even of our dreams.
I am currently on leave, a sanity break, a time to catch up with myself.
Much took place recently, that I really began to feel that I could no longer go on without a break.

Time slows down when you are at ease with yourself.
There’s a saying, time flies when you’re happy, yet at the same time, I find that there’s time for me to find myself again.

One night, I was walking along the beach, staring into the horizon, into the sky.
There was no moon, just stars.
Which reminded me, those were the days, where we would lie on beaches, staring into the sky, discussing about our dreams.
I had loads of them. None of them involves what I am doing today.

Have I forgotten about them? Or worse, given up on them?
I thought I did. But thinking further, have I really?
Back in those days, things seemed simple. Success seemed easy.
After all, that was what’s being potrayed in movies.
Hard work, perseverance was more of a punchline used, or rather, the threshold was merely lower.

We had dreams, yet no solid path or even plans to achieve them.
Perhaps we thought things would just appear in front of us and it would just be a state where we would be in.
Of course, there are those who gets them easy, where their paths were laid out by their parents.
For others, reality sinks in. Some fumbled, faltered and fell.
Some others give up, choosing, rather, to live simpler life.
For the rest, they learn the true meaning of perseverance, and hard work.
Persevere when people around them asking them to give up.
Persevere when things take a turn for the worse.
Persevere when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel

For a while, I was lost.
I began to abandon this lil blog of mine. Partly because I had nothing to write. Partly because I somehow felt I lost my lil place where I could express myself. (Gaining a bit too much attention from an “accidental” post of mine).
A few days back, a “long-lost” friend messaged me, telling me she stumbled across this lil place of mine.
Not much was said, and I too have no idea how, or exactly when, that it dawned on me, that I should be able to be myself.
To articulate my thoughts, to put them into perspective, which was the reason why I began writing, and why I’m still writing.
When put into perspective, it gives me hope when things seem bleak, gives me light when it’s dark, and it lets me find myself when I’m lost.

Conclusion: Recently, a friend asked me “Do you actually know what you’re fighting for?”, I was dumbfounded.
Today, perhaps, I would say “I am fighting for my dreams”.

p/s: Credits on the title to a friend of mine. You know who you are.

How would you choose?

Once, a friend asked “How would you choose, if you could only choose one: To be happy, or to be correct?”

Most I knew chose to be happy.
My rational self chose to be correct. With one simple reason: If I knew I was wrong, could I still be happy, despite knowing that this would be the supposedly happier path?
Could I live with that fact, turn a blind eye, and still be happy?

Of course, the counter argument is that, perhaps, right or wrong may just be matter of perspective, a matter of which side of the coin you are looking from.
Yet, if so, have we not already chosen to be correct? At least from our perspective?
Or rather, chose the option that brings us most happiness, and rationalised our way out to be correct, at least in our own standards?

But, more often than not, things fall in between, for there’s always the gray area, where one is never 100% right, or fully happy.
For those who knows my sis would have known what happened recently.

A friend chose a relationship over friendship. Is that right?
He chose the easy way out rather than rough-it-out. Is that right?
They believed none of them cheated, for nothing physically happened. Is that right?
Frankly, I believe there are neither right nor wrong. Merely choices, merely, perspective.
As long as you believe that you are still living by the moral values you stood for, you would be correct, at least in your eyes.

A friend of mine asked if I was angry, at him.
I wasn’t.
Not only because I am the third party, who only got one side of the story, but also, to put it bluntly, it is really none-of-my-business (in a cruel way).

It’s true that more often than not, there’s a politically right answer. A morally right answer.
It’s easy to have a say, it’s easy to pass judgment, yet, sometimes, we failed to realise that, we may have, at certain point, chosen the less popular path..
How many truly rough-it-out, especially when the easy-way-out seems so much easier a route to take? How many of us, chose to quit because we believe we deserve better? In both career, and relationships.
Who is to say what constitutes cheating?
Does thinking of another when you are in a relationship makes up cheating?
Or else, how far does one has to go before it would be perceived as cheating?

There really are more questions than answers.
For not all questions have answers.
Perhaps, not all questions need an answer

Sometimes, we need not know who’s right, who’s wrong.
Sometimes, we need not judge.
Sometimes, we just need to support.
Because I believe that’s what family is for. That’s what friends are for.

Because I believe, whether the decision made truly brings happiness, or nothing more than guilt, time will tell.
Because I believe, that as much as you try to rationalise the decision you made, as long as deep down, there is a tinge of guilt, it is going to come back and haunt you.
Because I believe, in karma.

Conclusion: What goes around, comes around.
As long as when the day comes, when another chooses what you have rationalised to be right, remains right in your dictionary then, all will be fine and dandy.
Oh wait, I’ve totally forgotten about the very important “Double standards”.

A lil catching up

I’ve been gone for a while, I know. Been busy, living my life, I suppose.
I realised how long I’ve been gone when I upload the pictures taken with the camera to my computer. Pictures that went as far as 3 months back.

Hence, some quick updates:

March 2010–CPA Graduation
I have actually completed my papers more than 2 years back, and applied for full membership a year back.
Hence, I’ve gotta say that the ceremony itself bears lil significance to me. But perhaps what’s more significant was it also meant a lil gathering for us.
All of us started being colleagues, in the same firm.
Now, most have left for greener pasture elsewhere.
The graduation then became an opportunity for a meet up, catching up with each other’s lives.
I have no pictures of the ceremony itself, for honestly, I was too busy either talking, or with the ceremony itself.
Went for dinner, and managed to take a few pics there, before we continue with our own hectic lifestyle.

Cindy, who, I would like to believe, found what she wanted to do.

With Cindy, and Jessica.

The only batchmate I have left, who is in the same industry group.

Paik Yee and Scotty.

And frankly, I have not met most of them since…

May 2010–Perhentian and Kapas Island
Most would have known I took a reasonably long break. Just to catch up with myself, mostly.
Nonetheless, a break would not be complete without holidays! Going places.
Ok..not quite, for they are all still in Malaysia, and I didn’t even need to bring my passport with me…

Went to Perhentian Island to get my Advanced Open Water Diving License, and of course, just to chill…

With Chor and Mr.Tan, my instructor.
I reckon I look pretty hideous with my dive suit, so, I shall be nice to spare you from any other pics with the dive suit. heheheheh

The trip was rather, packed. We dived and dived, and only managed to take pictures on the day we were supposed to leave.
Perhentian island was really quite nice..shall let the pics do the talking..

The clear blue water, the fine sand….

With Chor

And a pleasant surprise. On the way back from the Jetty to the Airport, the driver stopped at an apparently famous temple around that area.

The wishing tree. I’ve seen it numerous times on those Chinese series, but really, my first seeing the real thing!

But rather than going home, I actually met my parents, and we proceeded to Pulau Kapas, another very relaxing place.

View from Kapas Turtle Valley, the place we stayed in.

I did not manage to dive in Kapas, sadly, as I have successfully got myself a few more bruises, cuts, and blisters while getting my Advanced Open Water License.
(>.<)" *I’m so prone to this kinda lil accidents, blergh*
The blisters were from wearing the fins, which didn’t quite fit me..
And for some weird reason, in Kapas, my right foot was slightly red and swollen for a few days.
Hence, decided to play it safe with no more fins for the next few days, hence, no diving for me.
(T.T)
Nonetheless, it was very very relaxing there…
Went to this lil resort which is owned and run by a Dutch couple, Peter and Sylvia.

The veranda, where we dined in.

The other side of veranda, with lots of bean bags.
The place I read my book, listen to the sound of waves, and nap in the afternoon…*bliss*

Mom and Dad, just lying, doing pretty much nothing

Night view…

Drove back after spending a week at the beach, feeling refreshed.

Conclusion: This, is life..a break like this brings sanity back into our crazy, fast-moving lives. Seriously.