I remember

My lil abandoned place…
A place where thoughts, perspectives, happenings get penned down.
A place where I reminiscence, a place to express myself, a place for me to remember…
Because we are only human.
Over time, we forget…Over time, we change…
And reading back my own posts, I could see the change in myself..driven by maturity, driven by circumstances, for better, or for worse.

Yet, some things, stay in our memory for longer..
Some memories, don’t fade over time…
Some memories, become lessons in life, and shapes the person we are.

I remember..
I remember those were the days…
I remember how you would go up the school bus with me to kindergarden.
And how you used to tell me, years later, how you’d tell the school bus driver to “scold” you and not let you into the bus, so that I could learn to be more independent, and actually go to school by myself..
The early mornings when you’d wake up the ever-so-grumpy me to catch the school bus even before 6am in the morning, and you’d wait with me for the bus..
The late nights when you would stood outside the house, worrying, wondering if all is well, when it took me nearly an hour longer to get home because the new bus driver drove like a tortoise.

I remember…
I remember the days where you’d cook us clams, and we’d have a “picnic” at the car porch, with an umbrella, and have our lunch with the scorching heat…
The nights where we’d play camping with the blanket and the double decker bed,
I remember the stories you told us when we couldn’t sleep at night…
Both the funny – The mice and the rice warehouse, and the heart wrenching – the days of World War 2 and the Japanese Occupation.
I’ll always remember the days in Cheras, the time when you bought me a pair of chicks just because I commented they looked oh-so-cute on tv…my first ever pet.
When one of the chicks died, the devastation I felt…and how I refused to eat chicken for the entire week…

I remember…
Your happy face when I was back during Chinese New Year, the reunion dinner, the second day big lunch, the yee sang..
I remember driving over to where you are every morning, spending the time with family…
And the fact that you still went out for dinner the night before I leave for Melbourne, although you were considerably weak, and have not left the house for a bit due to that..
The effort you made, your laughter at my lame jokes that night…

I remember…
The pain in your face and expression when I visited the night I touched down…
The very face that turned so peaceful the next morning, as you slip into unconsciousness..
I remember the stories we’d share with you, laughing, crying, by your bed side…
How your feet and hands slowly turned cold as the day passes…finally leaving us for good that very night…
I’d never forget how you persevered, to keep to your word, that you’d wait for us to return…
How you held on, despite the fact that the body has failed you, with just your willpower.
That until the very last moment of your life, you taught, by example, the final lesson in life:
When there’s a will, there’s a way…

You’ve worked hard, been through so much, enjoyed too little…
I hope you’ve now gone to a better place,
Where you’d get to reap what you sow…
I still do miss you..lots…
But I remind myself, everytime, that your journey, while full of challenges, you’ve emerged, against the odds, victorious.
That it should be a celebration of the life you had, the lives you’ve shaped and changed…rather than mourn for your passing…
I will remember…but until then, allow me to be weak, and shed my tears for what I would never be able to hold, to see, to talk to…just a lil more…
One day, when I’m ready, I’ll let go…