Freedom

*pic from google

When I googled for the definition of freedom, many things came up, politically, socially, personally.

To some, freedom equals the freedom of speech, the freedom to choose what to believe, freedom to vote.
To others, freedom means to be financially free.
More often than not, perception of one on freedom changes with time.

When we were younger, we often see freedom as ‘how many sweets will I get to eat before mom starts scolding’, ‘how late may we stay out’. As we grow older, we started wondering when will we be financially free so that we no longer need to rely on the pocket money given by our parents, and finally be truly free to do what we want, go places, and get a life.
We graduate, find a job, start working, and finally, the financial freedom, or so we thought. But unless one falls under exceptional cases, we start from the bottom, with measly pay (Some even less than what one could get from the parents). We work harder, and harder…hoping to provide ourselves, and our family, the best of things.

After all, money makes the world goes round, and some said, the root of all evil. And if we have learned nothing else, we should at least have learned that when it comes to a matter of money, there was never enough, never is, and never will be. Soon, we get into the rat race, in our endless pursuit for materials, money, power. We believe that money will buy us happiness, that it will buy us security.

We believe in the idea of evolution, natural selection, and more importantly, survival of the fittest. And we want to be the fittest.
In our relentless pursuit for financial freedom, we have, effectively, tied ourselves down with commitments, taken up more burden to truly be free. But we didn’t care.
Overtime, things take a toll on us. We grow tired. But we persevere, believing that once this is over, we would be able to achieve what we seek, and be happy.

Only to wake up, one day, realising that we would never achieve that financial freedom. Because there will never be enough. Yet, we get so absorbed with the idea of financial freedom, money, power, and of course, the rat race, that we overlooked that we have failed to be free to truly be what we want to be, to be oneself, an individual.

In pursuit of material satisfaction, many let go of their dreams, their aspirations..
And when we look back, we realise that perhaps, one can never be truly free, and perhaps, the only time we ever come close to that, was during childhood days…

Conclusion: As they say, both adulthood and money are overrated. But life…goes on..

One step at a time

Sometimes, we wonder if we took the wrong step, that we made the wrong choice, took the wrong path, made the wrong decision.
Sometimes, we wonder if someone-up-there is playing a practical joke on us.
Sometimes, we wonder if life’s supposed to be like that..

For those who are still lost, I had a rather bad start to the year. It has only been 31 days in 2009, and it feels like I’ve had enough to last me for the year…

On the 13th January 2009, I remember coming home, and mom telling me and my grandfather has been hospitalised. I asked which hospital he’s in, and when my mom told me it’s the Seremban General Hospital, I wondered to myself, that’s a bit far…

Mom subsequently said that we should pay him a visit soon. I thought for a while, thinking about all the reviews I have, all the wrapping up of audit, all the meetings with both clients and superiors, all the reporting datelines, all by end of this week. My answer? I’m very tied up this week, what about this weekend?

4 hours later that night, mom walked into my room, and with a tear in her eyes, broke me the news, that grandfather has just passed away.
And so, I can forget about making time in my ever so busy schedule to pay him a visit in the hospital.
I can forget about driving all the way to Seremban.
I can forget about all the datelines that I needed to meet.
But I can never forget how disgusted I was with myself, that I have put everything else after me, myself, and I. That a lot of things have been put on hold.

It was a wake up call.
And as I was still fumbling to get back up on my feet, trying to really strike a balance in my life, I found out another bad news.
It was as if life is playing a joke, on me..
I’ve never really allowed myself to think that I’ve made the wrong choice, but perhaps, now, I’ve gotta admit that I have indeed made the wrong move then. A move that I could not undo. A move that perhaps, I can only look back, with a tinge of regret.

Conclusion: 3 days after my grandfather died, he was buried, and I would like to think, finally resting in peace. But as for me, I’m only starting to search for peace, within me. One step at a time.

*Photograph taken by Tadasu