So messed up

Been having a bit of a writer’s block..occupied with work, and even when I’m not working, everything seems to be a mess. My thought process, that is.
It’s been a while since I last manage to find time to sit back, and do some non-work related thinking.
For all the available time, I’ve used up, to sleep, or get myself a life.

Last weekend, after hearing much comments about Inception, I decided that I should not lose out.
I went to watch the movie.
For those who has yet to watch the movie, and are planning to, you may not want to continue reading.
Contains spoilers
Till the very end, the ending did not tell us if he was, actually, still in a dream…
For perhaps, the whole movie could have been his dreams all the while, which none of them were real.
For frankly, the scenes, like dreams, had no beginning. And his children were just as he imagined them to be in the end, despite him being gone for months, they have not grown a bit, and in fact, they have not moved from where his last memories of them were.

But then, someone mentioned, “Why must we debate and decide, if it was all his dreams?”
Isn’t the whole thing about perception anyway?
He perceived that he finally got home, saw his children, and was happy about it. What else matters?

Delusional? Perhaps.
Yet, when reality turns ugly, don’t we find solace in what’s unreal?
Don’t we often find the unreal being more powerful than what’s real?
It was a movie that left much…unanswered. Unlike most movies, which puts out everything there is for your viewing pleasure, this left an impression.
It leaves you room to imagine, to perceive.
If anyone asked me, I’d say “It’s one helluva movie. So messed up. Soo good”

Maybe, to be able to dream is a luxury. To be able to escape is a luxury.
Yet, sometimes, we could find no escape route. Sometimes, dreams are made of nightmares.
Sometimes, we just live with it, hoping that it’ll go away one day.
Hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.
But when will tomorrow ever become today?
Is it worth fighting for when you know the future could be something others could only dream of?
Is it worth fighting for when you know you’d make your family proud?
Is it worth fighting for when you know you may never be happy, despite everything? For you’ve gone far, yet not a bit happier than before?
Is it worth fighting for when in return, you’d give up youth, health, and perhaps, yourself?
So messed up.

Perception is almost everything. I remember saying that once.
When we perceived someone to be bad, everything that the person does would be perceived as bad, at least in our eyes.
Yet, could we tell ourselves, to perceive that everything is alright? Despite knowing deep down, they really aren’t?
Could we justify that?
When we feel like running away, yet, we only keep running back to the things we want to run away from?
So messed up.

The movie left many thinking..
About what it was. About what it was not.
Perhaps, it’s about time…to truly think about what it is, and what it isn’t..
Sometimes, it’s as if it really is within grasp. Yet, sometimes, the lights go off, all that’s before the eyes vanished, and when searched deep within, it really isn’t there.
Only nothingness
So near yet so far.
So so messed up.