Change

When we say things like “people don’t change” it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It’s always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It’s the way people try not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that’s up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

- Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

Some change could be planned. Others, God’s plan.
As much as we would like to cling on to what is, to the status quo, to our comfort zone, change is imminent.
And learning to let go isn’t such a bad thing. We learn to embrace the new.
As much as we are afraid, being away from what we have all the while been comfortable with, could be exciting.

Some change for the better.
Some change for what they think is better.
Some change for what others think would be the best for them.

3 Jan 2012… marks the end of a chapter, and beginning of another.
6 years ago, I walked in, a noob, all excited, ever ready, to learn, to earn.
6 years later, I walked out, one last time, a lil wiser (I hope), a lil more experienced, a lil more seasoned.
As I walked out the door, I felt a lil lighter, a burden off my shoulder, yet all at the same time, I felt a lil heavier. After all, I did spend a lot of time here. Late nights, some weekends..
I’ve learnt much, I’ve gained much. But in exchange, I’ve lost a fair bit.
An opportunity cost that I was aware of from the start, a sacrifice, an exchange I made, willingly.

Someone recently said to me, “You’re finally giving up!”
Fact is, I’m moving on. I’m not giving up. They are not the same thing.

As I return the laptop, I hope that the change is for the better
As I return my tag, I hope that I made the right choice
As I walk out the building, sun shining, scorching hot, I glanced back, both glad, and sad.
Glad that I won’t be losing more sleep, and make my health worse..
Sad for as much as life wasn’t easy, I made some friends along the way, which made the journey a lot more interesting, a lot more bearable.

What follows subsequently, was something that was unexpected.
My expectation: I’d be enjoying the freedom, no more late nights, no more responsibilities, no work.
What happened: I was thrown out-of-whack.
I didn’t know what to do with the free time I have. I’ve lost my hobby and interest over the years, giving more attention to catch up with my sleep at every opportunity.
I was getting a lil restless.
And with so much uncertainties ahead, I was lost.

Thankfully, I have friends, and people who cared, that would listen.
That would help to put things into perspective.
This time off has also given me much time to do some thinking, and reflection..
And as much as I’m still fumbling in the dark, I’ve managed to find peace within me.
As the saying goes, “You do not have to see the whole ladder. Just take the first step.”
I’m taking that first step in faith.
That it is time to move on.
Even when I could not see what’s ahead of me.
Even if the unknown could be pretty daunting, especially when I’m no fortune teller.

I’m aware that not everyone thinks I made the right move, the best move for myself.
But I’m also aware, that if I don’t take that step today, one day, I would ask myself, why didn’t I…
It’s not a regret I would like to live with..
It’s a risk I’m willing to take..

Then I remembered, my dad once said to me “You are what you want to be. Your thoughts and actions, creates your reality, your fate”.
It’s time for my change, after being in my comfort zone, sheltered for so long.